Tag: weather

Is this your week to stay off the couch?

Part of a couch
Not necessarily the enemy, but possibly.

If this doesn’t sound like a challenge, you are probably awesome. Probably you travel a lot, or spend your evenings creating art. Maybe you work out or play board games or engage in small home improvement projects after dinner. In any case, for you the couch is not a symbol of exhaustion, defeat, or your mother’s projected self-image. Read no further, you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about.

Everyone else, consider joining me.

For fellow Midwesterners, this is an extra-ambitious week in which to launch a challenge. It’s  the week of -50 windchill Wednesday. It’s also the week of January-into-February, the two top contenders for most depressing month of the year (though I’d still argue for March).

And it’s the week of a friend’s first divorce mediation, so I’m watching someone I love finally come to terms with their worst mistakes after it’s too late to fix them. If you’ve been here, you know that witnessing that kind of pain requires either extreme detachment or full-time care,  and I have neither. Watching him deteriorating while he simultaneously grows more compassionate and appreciative is messing with me in a way I can handle only by burrowing on the couch and watching The Durrells in Corfu.

But this is the week I’ve chosen. Or rather, this is the day I woke up thinking about a week off the couch. So here we go.

Here are the rules.

  1. Don’t sit on the couch for a week.
  2. Don’t lie on the couch for a week.
  3. Don’t touch the couch for a week.

Doesn’t mean you can’t watch TV, or read, or nap, or burrow. Just don’t do any of that on the couch. 

That's it.

It’s not like I’m expecting life to suddenly become easier or more amazing, but I am curious to see what might happen. If you decide to join this challenge, I’d be curious to hear about your experience. And also, what makes it hard or easy for you to stay off that big piece of furniture this week.


Could everything stop being a metaphor for just five minutes?

deflated snowmen
Exhibit 13-B.

Exhibit A. Clamshell packaging on cheap electronics.

Exhibit B. Filling the humidifier while it’s raining outside.

Exhibit C. Traffic on Elston.

Exhibit D. A messy house.

Exhibit F. The empty laundry basket that’s been sitting in the same spot for a week.

Exhibit I. The sky, right at this moment.

Exhibit K. That piece of fuzz on the blind. Its weightlessness. Its replicating powers. Its almost-lack of color or form. Its polite insistence. Its network of friends.

Exhibit Z. That dream last night. Specifically, the part with the ladder.

Exhibit 13-B. Inflatable snowmen, deflated.

Exhibit 7. Snowmen.

Suiting up for a rainy day

karaoke screen
        So many choices, and yet.

Here are your choices for today. You can be braggy. You can be brazen. Blue is taken. Churlish is also out at the moment, though killjoy is available.

You can be daffy. You can be elegant, but that requires a shower. Short on time? Let me suggest frenetic, or perhaps groovy, both of which work great with jeans and the sweater that hasn’t been washed since you stored it for the summer.

You can be hopeful. No, really, I think it would look great on you. Or perhaps just cautiously optimistic, though that’s not nearly as much fun. And in weather like this, fun counts.

No, I’m sorry, you can’t be fun. Fun is something you have to experience on the spot. It’s like mercury, we can’t keep it on the shelf and parse it out like foolish. Or demanding. Or maybe pissy.

You don’t really want pissy, do you? Weren’t you that yesterday? How about something a little exotic. How about Quixotic?

Yes, I saw the Joffrey version, too. Did you know he was in a prison? Me, neither. I totally thought she was his maidservant. There might be a clue in that. Maybe you should be roguish. I’m serious. I think you could pull it off.

How about serene? It’s getting late and we don’t have a lot left. Let’s see. You can be tangential. Or troublesome. Or tipsy. You can be unreasonable or unflappable. I recommend the latter. You could try vibrant. Winsome is taken, and whiny was the first thing out the door. The rest of these, I can’t even pronounce.

Why don’t you step into the fitting room and let me bring you the roguish, and this other one I’ve been holding back. At the first sign of rain, I hide it behind the counter, because I know it’s going to be absolutely perfect for just the right person.

No, I’m not going to tell you what it is, I just want you to try it on.

Okay, one hint. Think multiple choice. Think of your whole day being nothing but multiple choice. Awesome, right? Shake off your sleepy and I’ll be right back.

It’s a brand new day

iphone screen
We're pretty sure it's changed our life.

First I check my email. Mostly bank balances and online store events. Sometimes a late-night or early-morning message from a friend. What do I expect? I checked right before I went to sleep. Rarely any work emails lately, since most of what I do goes to a project manager who fields all the emails and works her other miracles.

Next, I check the weather, looking for something in the 60s. That’s all I’m asking for, 60s. Today it’s 49. That’s really close to 50, which is right under 60. That’s hopeful.

Then it’s on to Facebook, to see if anyone there has said anything funny or profound, liked or commented on anything funny or profound I may have said, or friended me from another life.

From there I go to BBC News, where today I see my first typo, “revovered.” I check in with the world and marvel at the BBC’s organizational grace, dozens of concise news stories striated into a logical grid.

Then I’m stumped. This is the part where I need to get out of bed, but I’m sure I should check some more apps first. Oh yes, I can go to the app store and check for updates. Then maybe I should check my email again. Is it possible the temp has gone up a degree?

No. Get up. Just get up and do something. Make the coffee. No, Dave’s making the coffee, I’ll just check this Skype message. The Skype message is two months old, you don’t know the person. Get up. Okay. Should I. Wait! I didn’t check my calendar yet! You don’t have anything today. You have to sit at your desk and finish your videos. Right. Okay. I’ll just double-check. Sigh. Fine. Go ahead. Check it all again. Hey look, it’s 50!

Dave brings in the coffee. Lather, rinse and repeat.