Can you find the story in this proclamation?

The queen's scepter will illuminate your year.
The queen’s scepter slash light fixture.

I don’t think people should subscribe to the same magazine two years in a row. If I were queen of the world, this would be one of my rules. If you subscribed to The Sun last year, try Runner’s World or Archaeology Today or OK! The One the Stars Trust. If you read Newsweek last year, you must switch to The Economist, or Saveur or Jane.

And no snide remarks about how they’re all the same. If they are, then you don’t have anything to complain about, do you? And if you live by my rules, I can guarantee that two years in a row, you won’t have to read yet another world-wearier-than-you account of how the narrator barely survived another round of oblivious friends, lovers, or coworkers only to find enlightenment in the fall of a leaf or the laughter of a small barista. Pretty sure. As queen, I will guarantee it.

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